Living in the countryside makes you a second-class citizen

If ever I went outside, this is what I'd see (if I were really tall)

For many, the countryside is a magical place. I've met a good many people in London who dream of moving to parts rural in order to live the simple life. It's not easy to disparage them as I've pretty much done the same thing myself. However, the country life they envisage is quite at odds with the reality of rural living.

Here in Northumberland, things are somewhat decentralised - life is local. There aren't any cities, just a smattering of towns and villages spread out over some beautiful scenery (so I'm told - I'm not big on all that myself). This leads to certain complications and compromises.

This is not just ballet, it's Chinese ballet

I don't like ballet and it's not for want of trying; I've been to see several ballet companies perform and I've never enjoyed it. Whilst I'm sure that the elegant movements portray the story and the psyches of the characters involved, all I see is a bunch of people in funny outfits jumping around a bit. In short, I just don't get it. I keep hoping that if I watch enough, I'll have an epiphany and gaze up at the stage in rapt awe.

DPRK OS: Red Star - The North Korean Operating System

As some of you might know, I have a strong interest in North Korea. I find the secretive country simply fascinating and I keenly follow anything related to it. Just as when a news story begins "Today, Prince Philip said..." you know it's going to be riveting/hilarious, so too is it when a report begins "Today, North Korea..."

When I visited North Korea a few years back, I didn't see many computers. The few that I did manage to spot all, rather disappointingly appeared to be running dodgy copies of Microsoft Windows. One might have hoped that they'd have developed their own slick-screened bad guy OS like we see in so many films. But no, it was just Windows in Korean. Suck.

Happy music: J Rabbit

I don't like sad music. It's not because my mental state is so fragile that a depressing tune would send me over the edge, but because I find sad music is so very, very easy to write and personal sadness is, like dreams, best kept to yourself because it just sounds like bollocks to everyone else.

I don't know the person singing, I don't know their girlfriend either and I sure as hell don't know why they broke up. If there was any truth or meaning to these songs, there would be a lot more doleful pop tunes called "Dumped Because I'm a Twat" or "I Only Shagged her Sister a Little Bit". So there are very few sad songs that I like with the exception of things like "I'm Alive (That Was The Day My Dead Pet Returned To Save My Life)" by Alice Cooper - which is about almost getting run over by a lorry, but being saved by the ghost of a dead pet horse.